Don't Leave Me
by simonsnowshoe
Summary: Simon and Baz get involved after a drunken encounter. Baz likes Simon and Simon likes Baz, but with forces outside their control impacting their relationship, it doesn't feel that way. Will they be able to survive high school, parents, grief, and insecurities?
1. Chapter 1

I walk along the hallway, my shoulder almost hitting the wall. Simon walks next to me, bouncing joyously as he recites how he celebrated Valentine's with his girlfriend. His blonde curls fall into his face, but he doesn't move them. He stops talking and frowns at me, "Are you even listening?" I don't reply and lean against the wall, "Hello?"

"I don't care about your stupid girlfriend," I sigh and cross my arms. He's squinting at me.

"Well, I do," He raises his eyebrows.

"So. You say the same things every time. She's so hot. She has beautiful eyes. Her hair is so soft," I mock him. He runs his hands through his curls and his nostrils flare.

"What? It's true. I'm in love," He says.

"No, you aren't. You think you are, but you're just quoting romance novels," I close my eyes as I say this, so I don't have to look him in the eye.

"You're an asshole," He mutters but continues, "Are you coming to Adriana's tonight?"

"Maybe," He knows I'm right. His girlfriend is a joke. They barely touch, or even speak. I don't why he does it.

"Yeah. I'll see you there, okay?" I open my eyes and he leans in. He hugs me, burying his face in my neck, "Why are you so mean?" He whispers, pulls away and runs off before I can push him.

"A drink?" Some dipshit junkie holds a beer out for me. His eyes are red and dilated.

"No," I shove past him and go towards the dance floor. Simon is there, smiling at some girl with a long blonde hair. Maybe I should turn back. Why am I even here?

"Oh hey," He says when he sees me. The girl drifts away. Simon grabs my hips and dances with me, I don't dance back, "What's wrong?" He leans in and lays his head on my chest. My heart beats a little faster and I feel like a hopeless wreck. We've known each other for years, but we aren't really friends. He just talks to me. And sometimes I listen while pretending not to. And sometimes I look at him for too long. And sometimes I think about kissing him. Like right now, I'm thinking about kissing him.

SIMON

I saw him when he entered the room, but I pretended I didn't. I smiled at the girl dancing with me as I watched him in the corner of my eye. My head is on his chest now and my brain is cloudy from alcohol. He's so mean to me, but he's the only one who'll listen even if it's only half the time. He doesn't answer my question. I didn't think he would because he doesn't really like to talk about himself. I don't think I know anything about him. He's mysterious, that's why I befriended him. I'd thought he'd balance me out. His hands grab me by the shoulders and push me off. I pout, but he just shakes his head and mutters incoherently. My vision is blurry. My head is spinning too. He grabs my arm and pulls me out of the crowd of drunk couples grinding.

BAZ

I guide him to the porch and we sit on a bench. He talks in slurred, short sentences. I've never seen him drunk before, he's usually a mess, but not this much of a tragedy. He tells me he doesn't know why we are friends. I remind him that we aren't. That he just won't leave me alone.

"Baz, why can't be friends? We were when we were small," He slurs and leans against my shoulders. I shrug him off, forcefully.

"We are never friends. I don't have friends," I say.

"Why not? Tell me," He looks at me in the eye, trying to be intense. He fails.

"No."

"So there's a reason?"

"Shut up," I say and he does. For a second.

"I know that your mother died when you were young. And that your father works a lot. Your aunt told me. She also-" He giggles, "-told me you liked Justin Bieber when you were 12," He laughs.

"Fucking Fiona," I sigh. My aunt from mother's side is a nuisance, but my favorite relative. She likes to talk to anyone I talk to. She says she's making sure I'm staying out of trouble, but I think she's always doing it for my father. He wants to ensure that I'm not sleeping around, getting drunk, and disgracing the family name.

"I know you don't hate me. You're just…" He trails off. "Emotionally closed."

"I do hate you. Go away," I say with no venom. He stands and grabs my hand. He starts walking to my car and gets in the driver's seat. I get into the passenger.

"Do you think I can drive?" He giggles.

"I guess I have a death wish," Or the keys in my pocket, but I don't mention that. I cross my arms and glare at him.

"We've been friends for years," He whispers, staring at me through his eyelashes. His eyelashes are unbearably long, they make every blink flirty, "But you still don't like me. My girlfriend ask why I even bother with you. That you're a asshole."

"I agree with your girlfriend," He shakes his head.

"I think you secretly like me," More than you think, "That you like when I talk to you," Of course I do. He leans closer and touches my cheek gently, "I don't think you're as tough as you pretend to be."

I swat him off, "Whatever floats your boat."

"Brad said you're gay," I blink and then sneer.

"Brad knows nothing," Which is mostly true. He is a fucking idiot, but he does know that. We kissed a couple times at parties, but he would always tell me that I was going to hell afterwards.

"Brad said you kissed him once, but I didn't believe him. You would never kiss anyone first," He leans over again and I stare behind him, trying not to think. His hand has moved to my thigh and he's staring at me. He's so close, I could kiss him. I don't, that would be stupid.

SIMON

I don't know what I'm doing. My hand is on his thigh and words keep tumbling out. I can tell he's trying not to look at me.

BAZ

He won't stop looking at me. I think about pushing him off, but I can't.

SIMON

He looks at me for split second. He's going to push me off.

BAZ

I can't take it, I look at him. I think I'm going to push him.

SIMON

He pushes me. But I don't budge. I move over to his seat and straddle him, "Stop pushing me away."

BAZ

My insides are burning and my heart is in my throat. His thighs are pressed against mine. His nose is almost brushing my cheek. He takes my face in one hand and pushes my face to look at him. He looks flustered and his mouth is hanging open. I could kiss him, but I won't. His eyes flicker to my lips and he kisses me.

SIMON

I'm so confused, my brain is moving too fast and I'm kissing him. And I think he's kissing back. His hands are in my hair and I'm still holding his face. He's still pushing me, but this time I push back. I don't want to stop, but I have to.

BAZ

He's pulls away suddenly, scrambles out of the car, and hurls in the street. I scoot over into the driver's seat and leave. I know someone will help him home.

SIMON

He's gone. I can't believe he left.


	2. Chapter 2

SIMON

I pull Baz into an empty hallway before first block, "I don't know what happened last night," I mutter and look away. My brain was fuzzy when I woke up. All I could recall was straddling Baz and puking while he drove away.

"Oh-" He blushes. I raise my eyebrows at him, I don't think I've ever seen Baz blush, "Nothing important. Try not getting shit-faced drunk if you actually want to remember things," He sneers and walks away. Well, that was weird. My memories are probably distorted. I bet I walked in on Baz hooking up or something stupid like that. Not that Baz has ever got it on at a party before. Has he ever got it on in general? Is Baz a virgin?

I spend the rest of my morning trying not think about Baz's sexual history.

Lunch comes slowly. Baz sits with the football players like usual, and I sit with Agatha. He keeps glaring at me and quickly looking away.

"How was the party?" Agatha asks, biting on her lower lip.

"Fine," I reply distractedly and look at Baz. We make eye contact for a split second before he breaks away and laughs at some douchebag.

"I know that you kissed someone else. Keris saw you sneak into a car with someone," She sighs and shoves her face into her hands.

"What? No I didn't," I grab her wrists and pull them away. She looks at me dejectedly.

"Simon, it's okay. I get it. We are practically a fake relationship," She smiles sadly at me.

"I don't understand. I don't remember-" Oh shit, shit, shit, "I'm so sorry, Agatha," She says something and smiles, but everything is drowned out. Did I kiss Baz? There's no way. I'm not even gay. Did Baz kiss me? No, he would never. I kissed Baz. I feel my stomach drop and I feel queasy. _Oh fuck._

BAZ

I keep trying to not look at Simon, but it's difficult. Of course, when I get kissed by someone I've had a crush on for years they don't even fucking remember. He stops me in the locker room, "Baz, did we-" He starts, already blushing.

"No we didn't," I cut him off.

"I'm 99% sure we did," He fiddles with the hem of his shirt and looks at the floor.

"We can pretend it never happened," I try to say sternly but it it comes out sad. He walks closer to me and I try to take a step back but I hit the wall. I'm acutely aware that we are alone.

"Do you want really want to?" He's still not looking at me.

"I-" I stop. This is probably a joke. Simon doesn't like me, he's straight. He's messing with me. Even if he's not, he shouldn't like me. I'll ruin it, "Yes, let's forget it."

"Really?" He finally looks up at me and places both of his hands on my chest. My heart starts racing.

"Yes," I say. He leans closer and our noses brush each other.

"What if I don't want to?" He says and I can feel his breath on my lips. I can see every detail of his face. Why is he doing this? I open my mouth to reply, but he kisses me. His hands move to the back of my neck and he pushes against me. My face feels like it's on fire. I grab his shoulders and I feel his hands tighten. He's not going to let go, so I let myself melt. I kiss back just as hard. We both pull back, breathless, and rest our foreheads on each others.

"Do you still want to forget it?" He asks. I shake my head in response. I want to do it again and again, "Okay."

He kisses me, slowly and softly. I move my hands into his blonde curls. Something clicks and I hear the door open. I push Simon off violently and he falls on his ass. The coach walks into the locker room and looks at us, confused.

"Coming to practice, Basilton?" He asks. Simon scrambles to a standing position.

"Yes, of course," I follow him out. Simon watches me as I leave.


	3. Chapter 3

SIMON

I touch my lips, they feel warm and raw. My heart is still racing and my breaths is ragged. I don't know what to do next. I feel utterly helpless. So I call Agatha, for no intelligent reason. The wind is whipping ferociously, making her blonde hair swirl around her.

"What is it, Simon?" She sighs.

"I'm so sorry, Agatha," I tell her, "I feel terrible."

"I told you, it's fine."

"I know, but…" I trail off. She rubs my cheek with her thumb.

"I don't want to break up with you, Simon," She mumbles and leans in.

BAZ

I shake my head at annoyance at myself. The coach seemed angry, shouting that fags don't belong on his team. I convinced him well enough that he was misinterpreting things, but the sick feeling stays in stomach. I know he'll call my father. I stop when I see a couple kissing in the parking lot. A short girl with glorious blonde hair and of course, Simon. I sigh. The expected sadness arrives, this is what was bound to happen. I walk past them to my car, but I can feel a gaze on my back, "Baz, wait up!" I whip around and almost smack into Simon. His girlfriend is staring at us twenty feet away, looking confused.

"What?" I snap. He looks flustered.

"I-uh-I didn't mean-" He grabs at me, but I take a step back.

"Use your words," I say, as mean as I can muster while he looks at me with puppy-dog eyes.

"I-uh…Agatha kissed me," He stutters out.

"Why should I care?" I shove my hands in my pockets.

"I didn't want her to," He says softly, avoiding eye contact with me. My heart flutters with ignorant hope, I crush it immediately.

"Yeah, and?"

"I want to- I'd rather kiss you," He looks at me and touches my face with one hand, cupping my cheek. I look past him, Agatha is gone and there is no one around. So I let myself lean into the touch. He stands up taller and tilts his chin up, our lips almost brushing, "Basil?"

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?" He asks softly. I don't respond, instead I lean a centimeter forward, pushing our lips together.

BAZ

"Basilton?" My father looks up from his newspaper as I walk into the house. He sits rigid on the couch.

"Yes?" I say, already walking to the stairs.

"Your football instructor contacted me," He says, "Something about the Snow boy," I don't turn around, but stop walking.

"What about him?" I ask, keeping my voice stoic.

"He informed me that he walked in on you and the boy. That all he saw was you push the boy on the floor and that your hair was a mess," He explains, "He also told me that you said you were fighting about a school assignment."

"Yes, that's true," I reply.

"Your instructor also said that he thought you must've been kissing the boy because of the expression on your faces," My father says slowly. I'm glad I'm not facing him because I feel my cheeks go pink.

"I wasn't."

"That would be disgraceful, Basilton," His voice is low and dark.

"I know," I say and walk up to my room.

SIMON

Baz yanks me behind a vending machine on my way to lunch, "We shouldn't do this at school," He says quickly.

"Aww, why?" I lean in and kiss his cheek softly.

"Just…we shouldn't." He mutters, "We'll get caught."

"No, we won't," I whisper in his ear and cup his face.

"Mm…," He leans into my hands.

"No one has to know," I say quietly and kiss him. My phone rings and we both jump apart. I pull it out and see that Agatha texted me.

"Your girlfriend?" He asks with no emotion.

"We broke up, but yes. Agatha," I text her back, telling her I'll be there soon. I shove my phone in my pocket, not ready to leave, but Baz has already closed off. He's leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Oh, why?" He says casually. I almost laugh, but instead I lean closer till I hear his breath hitch.

"I like someone else," I breathe into his ear. He mumbles something I can't make out, but I don't have time to ask because my phone rings again.

"You should go," He says, smoothing his hair. I nod slowly and walk out. I meet Agatha and Penny at our table. Penny's purple hair is pulled up into a high ponytail and her glasses lean a little too far down her nose.

"Where were you?" Penny narrows her eyes at me.

"Uh..I had to do something," She raises her eyebrows.

"What?" Agatha asks, "Or should I say who?" She says bitterly.

"Jesus, I just had to return a library book," I lie. Penny still looks at me suspiciously and Agatha glares.

"You don't read," Penny replies.

"So? It was for class," I say, avoiding her eyes.

"You're a shitty liar, Simon," Agatha retorts, "Who's the new girl, huh?"

"Agatha…." I run a hand through my hair.

"Leave the kid alone. He probably had to use the restroom or something," Penny says, looking Agatha strongly in the eye. Agatha makes a "hmph" sound, but doesn't protest.

"How's Micah, Penny?" I quickly change the subject and scoot in next to Penny. Her eyes glaze over and she sighs happily.

"He's really great, actually. He's doing award-winningly well in track. He should be visiting the first week of winter break," She swoons.

"Lovely," Agatha grumbles.

"You're just jealous I'm dating an American," Penny rolls her eyes.

"As if."

"It's true, Simon's accent just isn't good enough for you," Penny jokes and laughs. Agatha and I turn red. Penny immediately notices, "What happened?"

"We broke up," Agatha says sharply.

"What? Why?" Penny looks more devastated than both Agatha and I combined.

"Simon kissed someone else," Agatha replies, omitting the fact she kissed me and it was I who said we should break up. Fair enough.

"What the fuck, Si?" Penny punches me in the arm. I rub the injury and glare at her.

"I apologized, jeez," I say.

"Well, who was it?" Penny asks.

"I was really drunk," I explain, trying not to lie directly.

"You don't remember?" Penny asks.

"Uh, not really," I mutter. Penny stares me down, but continues gushing about Micah.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: This chapter is pretty sad and could be triggering to some people._

SIMON

"I"m serious this time, Snow," Baz says in a hushed, angry voice, "We need to lay low."

""I'm serious, too," I whine, "We only see each other at school."

"Stop being a baby," He shakes his head causing dark strands of hair to fall in his face.

"Screw you," I say with no venom. I catch him smirking and immediately know what he's thinking, "How mature."

"Whatever. Just please don't tell anyone. Not your girlfriend-"

"Ex-girlfriend," I correct.

"Or the purple-haired one either," He says and walks out of the bathroom. I wait a minute and then leave too. Penny catches me on the way out.

"Micah is coming tonight!" She squeals, "Will you drive me to the airport?"

"Sure," I shrug and she gives me a quick hug.

"His flight lands in 15 minutes, Simon. Hurry up," Penny sighs and crosses her arms in the passenger seat. I don't respond, she's being a lunatic. The airport is 30 minutes away from her house and we left an hour and a half before he landed. No one could've known it would start snowing half way through the drive. She leans over and starts messing with the radio stations. She chooses some weird classical music.

"Penny, no," I reach over and try to change it. She swats at my hand.

"Eyes on the road," She reprimands. I turn to glare at her, "Simon!" She shouts. I turn back and see huge headlights heading towards us. I swerve the car and we fling to the side. My head knocks against the window to my left and I hear Penny scream. The car is still moving, but my hands aren't on the wheel and Penny is shouting. I turn to look at her, but the picture goes fuzzy.

BAZ

I get a text from Simon at 3am. I almost ignore it, but something tell me not to.

Car accident. Won't be in school. Can you get my homework?

I call him, but there's no answer. I ask him where his is, but he just send the same text again. I call the nearest hospital and ask if Simon Snow is there.

"Mm, yes, we do have a Simon. Who are you?" The woman on the other line responds. I hang up immediately. I grab my keys and race to the hospital.

The scene is not what I expect. Simon is peacefully sleeping when I enter his room. He has a bandage on his head and looks awfully pale. The only reason I resist the urge to throw myself on him is because a strange man sits in a mint green chair, typing furiously into a phone.

"Uh, hello?" I try. The man doesn't look up. Is he Simon's father? "Hello," I say a bit louder. This stirs the man who finally looks up, showcasing a pencil thin mustache and steely eyes.

"Who are you?" He spits.

"Simon texted me," I say in a curt tone.

"Simon is asleep," He deadpans.

"Well, someone texted me," I counter and his eyes narrow.

"Baz with a heart?" The man raises an eyebrow. I feel my cheeks go red, fucking Simon, "I thought that was a nickname for his girlfriend or something."

"Is he alright?" I ask, as guarded as I can.

"Yeah, fine. Minor concussion. He'll be up soon. The girl he came in with, on the other hand, isn't looking as sharp," He waves a hand dismissively. There's no sympathy in his expression.

"What girl?" Penny? Agatha? A girlfriend? The last option makes me wince.

"I'm not sure. She had purple hair," He pulls his phone back out from his pocket and continues to type. Penny is fighter, I conclude, she'll be fine.

"Are you Simon's father?" This makes him look up from his phone, once again.

"Disappointingly, yes. He's such a fool and this will be a big hassle," The man glares at the peaceful Simon then returns to his smashing of the poor phone screen. A nurse enters with a clipboard in hand.

"Mister?" She smiles sadly, "I need you to sign some paperwork, it should only take a few minutes."

The man visibly sighs, "Fine," He stands and leaves with nurse. I take the opportunity and almost sprint to Simon's side. I gingerly grab his hand.

"Hey. Everything is gonna be okay," I whisper softly while tracing the moles on the back of his hand, "Penny will be okay and you too," His eyes flutter open and he stares right at me.

"Baz?" He says while his eyebrows furrow together, "What happened?" He begins to look around the room, his eyes widening in disbelief, "Oh, no," His says under his breath.

"There was a car accident. Your dad is here," I let go of Simon's hand and start to walk to the door, "I should get him."

"No, no, please don't," He says while picking at the wrapping on his head, "Where's Penny?" I almost cringe, but try to keep my face emotionless.

"I'm not sure, but I bet she's fine," I say carefully as I return to his bedside.

"Oh shit, Micah," He says suddenly, worry all over his face.

"What's wrong?" Simon's father says from the doorway. I glance over and he's glaring at me.

"Oh, uh, nothing important," Simon smiles in an odd way, sending chills down my spine.

"Good. We should be leaving soon," His father says to Simon, "And you should probably go," He looks me in the eye. Simon looks frantic, eyes darting to me to his father and back again.

"Don't we have to wait for the nurses to check me out? We can use the time wisely. Baz can tutor me in geometry until it's time to go," Simon suggests in a small voice.

"It's almost four in the morning, Simon. The boy will go," The man says with finality in his voice. I almost glare at him.

"I'll call-" I start, but a nurse saunters in and interrupts me.

"Were you with Penelope Bunce?" She reads off of a sheet of paper. Simon nods, sitting up, "I'm sorry to inform you that Miss. Bunce has passed on during surgery. There was an unpreventable complication with her liver," I hear a sob -a sound like a dying animal- and turn to see Simon shoving his face into his hands. His father nods at the nurse and takes a seat in the green chair, making no move towards his son. I reach out to Simon and he grabs my arm, pulling me into a tight, awkward hug.

"I can't believe she's dead," He whimpers into my chest. I pat his back softly, making sure I look like we are barely friends.

"Baz, you should go," His father says, not even looking up. Simon's grip tightens and his sobs worsen.

"Please, don't leave," He whines and digs his fingernails into my back, "I need you," He chokes out and any reserve I had is thrown to the wind. I hug Simon back, running my hands though his curls while whispering what I hope is comforting words. Meaningless phrases about a better life.

"Baz," His father hisses, "Go," Simon murmurs something and slowly releases me. He wipes his reddened face with his hands and takes a shaky breath. Tears still fall from his eyes.

"I'll see you," Simon says softly, turning his gaze to the floor.

"Okay," I reply and walk out, feeling his father's piercing stare on my back.


	5. Chapter 5

5

BAZ

I don't expect to Simon at school the next day, but he's there. He leans over his lunch, shuddering with Agatha sits beside him. Both their eyes and red and puffy. I break all the rules and sit across from Simon. Agatha raises her eyebrows at me, "Can you just leave us alone?" She sighs. Simon looks up and notices me. His eyes show the faintest bit of something good.

"No, I want him to stay," Simon taps my foot lightly under the table and I smile at him.

"Is your head okay?" I ask casually.

"Yeah, yeah. I think," He touches the stitches lightly.

"So your dad..." I trail off, not knowing what I should say.

"You met his dad?" Agatha furrows her brows.

"Yeah, his dad texted me for some reason," I shrug. Simon hits my foot with his again with a small smile on his face.

"Weird," She shakes her head.

"He was just grouchy last night," Simon explains. I nod, but I don't believe. Grouchy and and being a complete asshole to his son are two different things.

"I've never even met your dad," Agatha looks at Simon weirdly.

"It wasn't on purpose, Ags," Simon tries to explain.

"Still. I was your girlfriend for two years. If anyone should-"

"Shut up. Not now," I cut her off. She glares at me and her face goes red.

"You aren't even friends with Simon. Why are you here? You're an asshole, Baz, just go," She points a finger at me with her eyes narrowed.

"Why are you being such a bitch, Agatha?" Simon says under his breath, venom dripping off his voice.

"Was HE the one, Simon?" Agatha looks at me like with disgust.

"The what...?" Simon looks confused and I see where this is going.

"The one you kissed," Simon's face goes red and I know she's going to figure out.

"Wait, Simon kissed someone else? Did you two break up?" I try to fake surprise, raising my eyes brows and opening my mouth slightly.

"Was it Baz?" She ignores me and stares at Simon.

"No, of course not," Simon gulps.

"It was," She says with finality, "I guess that explains a lot."

"It wasn't me," I tell Agatha, "I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Sure. I know that you're gay, Baz. I saw you with some guy once. It's no secret," She shrugs, but I can tell she's not trying to be casual.

"You don't know anything," Simon huffs.

"I know some. And I know that you kissed Baz. And that I'm going to tell everyone," She smirks at me, a challenge glinting in her eyes.

"Why would you do that?" Simon looks devastated. It takes a lot not to reach out for his hand.

"To show everyone what a cheater you are," Agatha says.

"You really are a bitch," I say in monotone, "You're best friend dies and in her memory you want to hurt the only person who actually likes you for who you are. A person who she loved. Penelope would hate you," Simon's eyes widen and Agatha inhales sharply.

"You didn't even know Penelope," She waves her finger at me.

"I knew enough."

"Fuck you, Basil," She pulls her bag onto her shoulder, "You just made your boyfriend lose his only friend," She walks away before either of us can reply.

"She's not my only friend. And she's gonna to come back. She's just grieving," Simon knocks against my legs another time. Still smiling even after that conversation.

"You're crazy," I let myself smile too.

"I know."


	6. Chapter 6

6

SIMON

My hands twist in his hair, I twirl the dark strand around in my finger as his face lays on my shoulder, nipping at my neck. His arms pulling me in by the waist, holding me in a tight hug. Tear makes still fresh on my face, but being curved by my cheeks turning into a smile. The bell rings and I feel his body shift slightly, "Class…" He mumbles, but doesn't detach.

"Screw class," I move his face up and kiss his lips.

"Simon…" He pulls from me, just enough so that I can see his frown.

"I can't concentrate in that class," I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Why not?"

"Just-" I try to form 'Because Penny's empty seat is a constant reminder of her death' without it being pathetic, but can't think of anything, "Boring."

"We can't just cut class because the subject isn't interesting. That's not how it works," He shakes his head at me, "Come on," He completely pulls away and picks his bag up from the tile floor.

"Baz, please I-" I can feel the tears welling up and I don't know why. My voice cracks and I break into sobs.

BAZ

His whole body racks as he heaves and pants in a sudden crying outburst. I pull him back, holding him as the crying turns from sobs to sniffles. I watch the clock while he cries, trying not to think about the consequences. When the class is half way through, I cringe at the thought of an absence. Simon doesn't notice at all, "I miss Penny," He mumbles into my chest.

"I know."

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her," He goes through another wave of sobs, "She was my best friend. I loved her more than anyone," I try not to take offense to that because there's no reason I should take offense to that.

"She was pretty great," I agree, awkwardly. He nods.

"And now she's gone forever," He pauses and gulps, "Because of me."

"What? You didn't kill her, Simon," I try to rationalize, even though I know it won't work.

"Baz, I did," He sucks in a breath, "I was the one driving and I looked away for a second-only one fucking second- and then she was dead. I did it," He hands hold on to the back of shirt my shirt a little tighter.

"Penny wouldn't blame you," I say and he stiffens.

"Penny can't blame anyone, she's dead," He deadpans. I don't reply, it's useless. This isn't the first time we've had this conversation. It always ends the same way. He lets go and wipes his nose on his sleeve, "See you tomorrow?"

"No," He looks confused at my response, "It's Saturday tomorrow."

"Oh, right, yeah," He mutters as he runs a hand through his hair, "Wanna meet up?" He smiles, nervously.

"Snow," I start, but he shakes his head.

"Never mind, you never can,"He walks out of the closet. We always end up in the closet during lunch, but I think I'm the only one that enjoys the irony. I follow him.

"Are you going to be okay?" I whisper as we walk down the empty hallway.

"Why are you whispering?" He laughs at me.

"In case…never mind. Are you okay?" I repeat.

"Yes, dear," He drawls in a sarcastic drawl.

"Really? Can you please be serious?"

"Baz, I'm fine. It's not like a loved one died or anything…oh wait," He laughs again.

"Simon!" I say, exasperated.

"Lighten up, god. I'm just kidding," He rolls his eyes.

"You're being immature and quite frankly, rude," I try to keep my voice level and emotionless.

"At least I don't have a stick up my arse all the time," He turns and pokes me in the chest. He glares at me, and I frown in response.

"Can you stop for one second?"

"Stop what?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Being a fucking twat," I say and his face turns red.

"Really?" He throws his hands up in the air, dramatically, " _I'm_ the twat?"

"What have I done, huh?" I ask, but the bell rings. People start rushing out of classrooms and we both walk out into the parking lot. He follows me to my car and we both get in, "Why are you in my car?"

"Because the bus doesn't come till school ends," He fiddles absentmindedly with his t-shirt, "We are fighting," He says after a minute of quiet.

"I noticed," I reply sarcastically, he frowns at me, "What's your point?"

"You called me a twat," He states, "After…after what happened," His bottom lip quivers slightly. The kissing or the breakdown? I assume the latter.

"That's in no way the worst thing I've called you."

"Still."

"And it's not like we're dating."

"What…?" He furrows his eyebrows and looks up at me. Then it dawns on him, "I guess we aren't, but still, Baz."

"Still what? I hurt your feelings?" I laugh bitterly, "It's not like you weren't actually b/eing a twat."

He rolls his eyes and looks out the window, "I was kidding, you git." I huff and cross my arms, "I don't actually think you have a stick up your arse," He smiles. I hold my face still, "Oh c'mon," He nudges my shoulder.

"Are you going to get out?" I ask and his face falls.

"What? Are we still fighting?" His eyes widen. I turn away from him.

"I have to go home," He touches my arm as I speak.

"I could-"

"No, Simon, that't not an option," I reply. He sighs and opens the car door.

"Bye, I guess," He fumbles with his bag and leaves. I slouch into my chair and focus on not crying until school ends.


	7. Chapter 7

SIMON

I text him after I leave the car. And when I'm on the bus. And when I get home. I write how sorry I am, each message longer than the last. He reads them, but doesn't reply. I write that I'll never speak to him again if he doesn't respond. No reply. I tell him I was joking. I give up on texting and start calling, he finally picks up on the ninth one, "Baz?"

"What?" His voice is curt and agitated.

"I'm really sorry," I try to reason. Honestly, I don't know why he could possibly be this angry.

"For what? You didn't do anything," He sighs.

"For, uh, being a twat?" I shake my head, even though he can't see, "Are you sure you can't meet up?"

"Snow you-" He stops, "Tonight?"

"Umm. Sure. Whenever," i mentally smack myself. I never say anything charming.

"In a few hours? At the park near school?"

"It's almost midnight, Baz."

"I know," He sighs again, "If you can't-"

"I can, of course I can," I cut him off.

"Alright, well see you then," He hangs before I can respond.

I see him sitting on the bonnet of his car when I arrive. He stares at me when I see down beside him, "You walked?"

"Well, yeah, the buses don't run this late," And I obviously I wouldn't borrow my dad's car.

"I could've picked you up," He shrugs and looks down at the asphalt. I knock my leg against his, waiting for him to say something else, he doesn't.

"So, um, are we still fighting?" I ask him and stare at his face. Taking in the moonlight that cast shadows on his high cheekbones making him look like a vampire.

"I don't know," He finally glances up at me, but doesn't look me in the eye, "We weren't really fighting about anything important anyway," I smile and take his hand. He squeezes mine back.

"You said we weren't, well," I gulp, trying to build up nerve, "You said we weren't dating. Do you, uh, want to?" He immediately retracts his hand from mine, but then, with a guilty look on his face, takes it back.

"It's just difficult, Simon," He meets my gaze, he's eyes are glinting, "You don't understand," I'm the one to pull my hand away now.

"Then make me," I say, trying not too sound as angry as I am. His bottom lip quivers, I can tell I'm making this worse than it has to be.

"I can't, okay? Just leave it alone. Can't we just keep things this way, Simon? Just the way they are," He places a hand on my shoulder and rubs his thumb in circles on my coat.

"We can't just tumble around and be in hiding forever," I try to shrug off his hand, but he doesn't let me. He leans in until our lips are almost touching.

"Why not?" I can feel his warm breath on my face, it smells of smoke. I decide yelling about that now wouldn't be appropriate.

"Because that-" He cuts me off by kissing me. I push him off, surprising both of us, "That doesn't work for me. I- I don't want that."

"Is this- are you giving me an ultimatum?" I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I nod anyway, "Simon, I can't just do what you want. You can't just threaten not to be with me when you want something."

"Really!" I shake my head at him. He's so freaking thick sometimes, "You're the one saying we aren't together."

"You're the one trying to out me," His posture is straight and his chin is forced up, but I catch his voice wavering.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I mean it sincerely and he bites his lip before speaking.

"There are things, with my family and such. It's difficult. Like I said."

"What things, Baz? Can't you talk to me?" I throw my hands in the air. He looks at me with a frown on his face.

"No," He gets up and walks to the driver's side of the car. He pauses before he gets in, "I'll give you a ride home," I roll my eyes and hop into the car.

"Is this really it? Are you just going to never speak to me again?" I almost laugh. This all seems so dramatic.

"That's the plan," He replies sarcastically. We ride the rest of the way in silence, when he stops at my house I don't get out.

"You're being an idiot," I say.

"I'm not an idiot."

"I know; that's why this is so surprising," I smirk at him, proud of that line.

"Get out of my car," I comply and he races away without saying a word.


	8. Chapter 8

My heart is pounding in my chest as I drive home. He's been gone for less than a minute and I already miss him. I push the gas pedal a little harder and speed past every stop sign. It's not like anyone's out this late anyway. It still smells like him, like sweet candy. It must be his natural scent because I can't imagine Simon spraying himself with perfume every morning. The thought makes me smile, though. Then I remember what happened and go back to my perpetual frown.

It's not my fault. Although, I probably don't need to be convincing anyone of that. Simon is as beaten as I am. He probably thinks he did something wrong. I reach for my phone and then drop it. It would be cruel to call him after that exchange. And then it suddenly feels like my fault. I didn't ask for this, I just acted upon the ultimatum I was given. It's not my fault. It isn't.

"Basil?" He taps me on the shoulder while I reach into my locker.

"Mmhmm?" I turn and lean against the metal. He has both his lips rolled into his mouth and is staring at me, "Did you need something?"

"I'm just confused, Baz. What you said didn't make any sense," He shakes his head violently, "You insisted we couldn't date, but then said I was threatening to leave you. I googled what an ultimatum was and that's not what I meant," He blushes, "You don't have to be out or whatever. I just want to know you aren't kissing other blokes and- And I need you tell me what the "things" are," He says this all quickly, but I can feel like he has practiced this.

"Why are you so goddamn pushy?" I almost laugh. He squints his eyes, causing little crinkles at the sides.

"That's it?" He glares, "That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" I reply. Something between genuine and sarcastic.

"I want you to answer me. Yes or no?" His jaw tightens, like he's readying for a fight.

"I told you what I wanted. I just want it to stay the same," The bell rings, but neither of us move.

"I'm not asking for your firstborn, Baz!" He runs a hand through his hair, "It will still be the same."

"Why do I have to keep repeating myself? You just won't understand," Most of the students dispersed, only a few left lingering.

"You'll never know if you don't tell me," He lifts a finger up and points it in my face. I grab his hand and shove it down.

"You're right," I spit, "But I can still not have anything to do with this," I turn to go, but he places a firm hand against my chest.

"But why?" He whispers softly. My eyes dart around, checking for lingering people, it's clear. He leans in and rests his head on my shoulder, "Why is what you want? Why do you keep pushing me away?" He kisses my neck, nips at the skin with his teeth.

"Simon-" He jerks up and kissing me directly on the mouth. His hands push under my shirt and grip my chest tightly, "Stop," I gasp in between kisses. He does, immediately.

"Bye," Simon winks and walks away. I can feel myself gaping. He's crazy.

SIMON

I don't why I did that. He's just being so unreasonable. Which is so weird for Baz, that I'm beginning to think I'm the unreasonable one. During lunch, he doesn't come sit with Agatha and I.

"Simon, I'm sorry about what happened," Agatha stares intently on the floors she says this, "I was being rude," I reach across the table and rub her shoulder. She smiles solemnly, "Why isn't Baz here?"

"Uhh, I'm not sure," I shrug and smile nervously.

"Did something happen?" She says in a strained voice.

"Nope, nothing," I smile again, my cheeks start to hurt.

"You sure?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Because he's staring you down," She chuckles, "He looks pissed."

"He is not," I shake my head at her.

"I'm literally looking at him right-" Her eyebrows raise and mouth opens slightly. She's looking over my shoulder and she winks, "He's coming."

"What..?" I turn around and see Baz walking towards us. He stands before us and glares at Agatha.

"Would you mind not staring at me as I eat?" His eyes narrow and his face is flushed. He does look pissed.

"Mad that your boyfriend is hanging out with his ex?" She smiles and raises one eyebrow.

His mouth opens, but I cut him off, "We are not dating."

"Oh?" She munches on a carrot, "Is that why he's sitting back with the football players?"

"Where I choose to sit isn't any of your concern," He sneers.

"Fine," She shrugs. He glares at her once more, then leaves.

"Agatha, you horrify me," I push my face into my hands and groan.

"Just trying to help," She replies and I can hear the grin in her voice. I decide to follow Baz. He stops in the hallway when he hears me approaching.

"What is it this time, Snow?"

I frown at him, "Drop the attitude, please?" He glares at me, but doesn't say anything, "Am I just be terribly clingy or something? Are you afraid of commitment? I'm not asking for much, you know. I just- I'm confused on why you're so angry all of a sudden," I say in one breath.

"You're quite pushy and-"

"I'll stop being pushy."

"That was not a good start," He says and I almost laugh.

"Right. Continue."

"This-" He stops and shakes his head, "I'm not with other people."

"Oh."

"Yeah," He looks at me shoes and bites his lip.

"Neither am I," I offer, trying to fit the silence. I take a few steps forward and grab his hand.

"You're so very pushy, Simon," He smiles at me and I fell my face immediately blush.

"I like to get what I want," I lean up and kiss him on the cheek. He pulls my face towards his and kisses me on the lips. He tastes like home.

A/N: Final Chapter! Thanks for reading.


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